Girl Talk
by CrazyBuff
Summary: Buffy gets put on a talk sho with Harmony, Drusilla, and the Bufybot


TITLE: Girl Talk By: Sunnyshine405@aol.com DISCLAIMER: Joss's FEEDBACK: Please..pretty please? SUMMARY: Buffy gets stuck on a talk show with Harmony, Drusilla, and the Buffybot. Challange at the end. RATING: PG13 AUTHOR'S NOTE: I might add more to the story.. not sure... hmmmm...  
  
******  
  
Everyone is gathered in Buffy's living room. Buffy has disapeared into thin air! Xander: (turning up T.V. volume) Hey guys, look at this! Willow: Oh My God..  
  
****** ON THE T.V  
  
We see clips of William being rejected by Cecily.  
  
William: I love you Cecily  
  
Cecily: You're nothing to me, William. You're beneath me.  
  
----  
  
Clips of Dru and William in the alley  
  
Drusilla: Do you want it? William: Yes... God, yes  
  
Dru bites him  
  
---- Clip of Desoto crashing into the 'Welcome To Sunnydale' sign  
  
Spike: Home sweet home  
  
----- Clip of Buffy meeting Spike  
  
Buffy: Who are you? Spike: You'll find out Saturday Buffy: What happens on Saturday? Spike: I kill you  
  
----- Several clips of Buffy and Spike fighting.  
  
----- Clips of Angelus coming back ----- Clips of Buffy and Angelus fighting Clips of Acathla, Angelus explaining what it is and what it does. ------- Clip of Spike calling truce with Buffy  
  
Spike: Hello Cutie  
  
Buffy: I hate you Spike: And I'm all you've got  
  
Clip of Spike beating Angel over the head with crowbar ------- Quick clips of sending Angel to hell, him coming back... ----- Clip of Dru and Spike talking in Brazil  
  
Dru: Why can't you kill her?  
  
Dru: Why don't you just push her away? Spike: But I did, pet. I did it for you.  
  
Dru: You're all covered with her. When I look at you, all I see is the Slayer ------- Drunken Spike in Sunnydale clips ----- Clips of Angel leaving ----- Clips of Spike with Harmony ------ Clips of ring of Amara fight ----- Clip of Spike coming to Buffy for help after getting the chip  
  
Buffy: So you haven't murdered anybody lately? Let's be best pals  
  
Spike: I've got information, on those commandoes you were fighting  
  
Buffy: So tell me everything you know Spike: I'm too hungry to remember everything ----- Clips of Willows engagment spell  
  
Spike: Just say yes, and make me the happiest man in the world Buffy: Oh Spike, of course its yes  
  
Buffy: Dum dum dum dum, dum dum dum dum...  
  
Spike: Oh bloody hell! Buffy: Ugh! Spike lips! Lips of Spike! Ugh! ------ Quick clips of season 4 footage ----- Quick clips of Buffy/Spike interactions (everything pre-crush) ------ Clips from crush  
  
Dawn: Spikes totally into you Buffy: What? Dawn: Oh please? Like you didn't notice? Spikes completly in love with you Buffy: Huh?  
  
Spike: I love- Buffy: Don't! Don't say it  
  
Spike: I'm going to kill Drusilla for you  
  
Spike: Give me a crumb... Buffy: Spike... the only chance you had with me was when I was unconsious  
  
Buffy: It changes everything Spike! I want you out!  
  
Spike running into barrier, staring at Buffy in disbelief ----- Spike placing robot order, getting robot, kissing robot.  
  
Buffy: she's a robot!  
  
Xander: Spike must have programmed her to... Buffy: Oh God  
  
Spike: Guess what bitch.. you're never going to get the sodding key  
  
Buffy pretending to be the robot  
  
Spike: Cuz Buffy, the other not-so-pleasant Buffy, if anything happened to Dawn, it'd destroy her. I couldn't live with her being in that much pain. I'd let Glory kill me first. Nearly bloody did.  
  
Buffy kissing Spike  
  
Buffy: That thing, it wasn't even real.... what you did.. for me and Dawn... that was real. I won't forget it. ------- Buffy: It'd be like suicide Spike: I'd do it. Right person, someone I loved... I'd do it ----- Clips of gathering weapons for the battle with Glory  
  
Spike: uh Buffy... (lifts hand to invisible barrier) You can just hand them over the threshold... Buffy: Come in Spike Spike: Presto, no barrier  
  
Buffy: I'm counting on you... to protect her Spike: Til the end of the world... even if that happens to be tonight  
  
Spike: I know you'll never love me... I know that I'm a monster, but you treat me like a man.. ----- Clips of the fight, Spike getting thrown of tower, Buffy jumping, Spike crying ------ Clips of life without Buffy (bargianing) ---- Clips of the resurection spell Clips of Buffy breaking out of her grave ---- Clips of Spike seeing Buffy alive ----- Clips of the heaven talk  
  
Buffy: I was happy... wherever I.. was.. I was happy  
  
Buffy: I don't know much about theology and dimensions.. none of it really.. But I think I was in Heaven. And now I'm not.. I was pulled out of there, by my friends ----- Clips of Buffy and Spike, just hangin' (pre OMWF) ---- Clips of Spike singing to Buffy (OMWF) Clips of Life's a song Clip of Spike saving Buffy Clip of the kissing ---- Clips of Tabula Rasa  
  
Spike: Can we talk?  
  
Spike: We kissed, Buffy Buffy: So?  
  
Buffy: I will never kiss you Spike, never touch you ever EVER agian (saves him)  
  
Joan: Stay away from Randy!  
  
The Kissing --------- Clips of Smashed  
  
Buffy: I'm not kissing you.. once was enough.. Spike: Twice Buffy: But not agian  
  
Buffy: You seem awfully fixated on a couple of kisses, Spike Spike: Yeah, and you seem to be pretty quick to forget about them  
  
Spike finding out he can hit Buffy  
  
The phone call  
  
Buffy: What?! No.. no grunting  
  
The fighting...  
  
Spike: You came back wrong  
  
Spike: I wasn't planning on hurting you.. much Buffy: You haven't come close to hurting me Spike: Afraid to give me the chance?  
  
The Sex... ------- Wrecked clips...  
  
Buffy: Last night was the end of this freak show Spike: (pulls her down on his lap) Don't say that! Buffy: What did you think was going to happen? What, we'd read the newspaper together? Play footsie under the rubble? Spike: Not exactly what in had in mind... (sticks his hand up her skirt)  
  
More kissage...  
  
Buffy: You're just... you're just convient...  
  
Spike: I may be dirt, but you're the one who likes to roll in it  
  
Searching for Dawn....  
  
Buffy: Last night was the most perverse and degrading night of my life Spike: yeah.. me too Buffy: that might be how you get off... but its not my style Spike: No.. its your calling  
  
Spike: I love you.. you know it...  
  
Spike: I know you felt something Buffy: Not love Spike: Not yet  
  
Spike: You're gonna crave me, like I crave blood... and the next time you come calling, if you don't stop being such a bitch, I might just bite you  
  
Buffy: That's it! I want you out.. out of my house, my life, my work Spike: You invited me in already... and as for your work, you need me. Like tonight. Buffy: I'll find Dawn myself Spike: You're really going to put your little sis in danger just to spite me?  
  
Buffy: I think its right.. to give it up (looks away) No matter how good it feels..  
  
Clip of Buffy surrounded by garlic and holding a cross --------  
  
KATHY: Hello everyone, I'm Kathy.. what you just saw was an introduction to tonights show. Tonight we have: (camara moves to each person as she names them) Drusilla, Harmony, Buffybot, and Buffy herself. Now girls, we're all here to talk about your relationship with Spike...  
  
BUFFY: (rolls eyes) I am so out of here (goes over to door, to find she can't open it, not even with her superstrength) Okay, what is this?  
  
KATHY: Its a talk show silly.. now just have a seat. You don't have to talk if you don't want  
  
Buffy sits, but glares at Kathy, arms crossed.  
  
KATHY: (con't) Now let's talk Spike, girls!  
  
BUFFYBOT: (smiling brightly) I love Spike!  
  
HARMONY: So over him...  
  
DRUSILLA: Poor Spike... so lost...  
  
BUFFY: Great... I feel like I travelled to the brain dead dimension... We've got Looney (points to Dru) And Bimbo(points to Harmony) And Barbie (points to BuffyBot, who just gives her a big smile)  
  
HARMONY: Least I have fashion sense!  
  
BUFFY: (laughs shortly) Whatever  
  
BUFFYBOT: Can we talk about Spike yet?  
  
KATHY: Of cousre Buffybot, thats what we're here for.. How about nicknames?  
  
DRUSILLA: I was always his Princess...  
  
HARMONY: He was my Blondie Bear... my platinum baby  
  
BUFFY: (laughs) Blondie Bear... bet he loved that  
  
HARMONY: (nose up-turned) He liked it just fine!  
  
BUFFYBOT: (dreamily) He called me his pet.. his luv..  
  
BUFFY: Yeah.. cuz he doesn't call.. oh say everyone, that?  
  
HARMONY: What about you Buffy?  
  
BUFFY: Yeah right...  
  
BUFFYBOT: (smiling brightly) Don't worry... he has a nickname for you! He always told me you were his Sun Godess!  
  
BUFFY: (coldly) I'm not his anything  
  
BUFFYBOT: (smile fades) Don't you like Spike?  
  
BUFFY: (stony expression) No... I don't  
  
BUFFYBOT: (confused) Why?  
  
HARMONY: Doesn't matter... she doesn't deserve him anyway  
  
BUFFY: (shocked) What?  
  
HARMONY: You've got what we all want from him.. his love I wouldn't expect you to respect that  
  
BUFFY: (challengingly) What is that supposed to mean?  
  
DRUSILLA: (nodding madly) Little girl's right... you let fear blind you  
  
BUFFY: (throughly confused) Huh?  
  
KATHY: Hold that thought girls... people, we'll be right back after this quick break!  
  
****** XANDER: (catiously) So these talk show people stole Buffy from us to... (looks around at the others) Discuss Spike with the Buffybot, Drusilla and Harmony?  
  
WLLOW: Yup  
  
DAWN: Hellomouth (to Spike) How do you feel about all this?  
  
SPIKE: Weird  
  
XANDER: My thoughts exactly... well throw in a 'You guys slept together?!?' and a 'Poor Buffy!'  
  
DAWN: How do we get her back?  
  
WILLOW: We'll just have to wait til they send her back I guess..  
  
DAWN: Oh.. shhh guys... Its coming back on!  
  
*****  
  
KATHY: Hello everyone, we're back to the girls of Spike's life (to girls) How about we discuss Spike's... umm.. attributes... both physical and personality wise  
  
BUFFYBOT: (big smile) I like his washboard abs!  
  
HARMONY: Who cares about personality? He's a hottie!  
  
DRUSILLA: (licks her lips, sucks on the tips of her pointer and middle finger) Delicisous...  
  
KATHY: Buffy? What about you?  
  
BUFFY: He's... Spike  
  
BUFFYBOT: (sitting on the edge of her chair) I like his coat!  
  
HARMONY: C'mon, Buffy... You can't deny that he's sexy  
  
Buffy just looks at her defiantly  
  
HARMONY: (to others) She wants him.. bad  
  
BUFFY: (not very convincingly) No I don't!  
  
BUFFYBOT: (confused) Then why did you have sex with him?  
  
BUFFY: (waivering) It was a mistake...  
  
HARMONY: What you thought he was someone else? Wake up in the morning, 'Whoops.. screwed the wrong person' (makes a sound of disbelief) Please... You knew exactly what and who you were doing when you jumped his bones  
  
BUFFY: I.... (trails of... having nothing to say)  
  
DRUSILLA: No need to make up stories, little girl I know why you lie... you're scared to let someone into your heart agian Bad daddy broke your heart.. then the little tinker toy  
  
HARMONY: (realizing) You think he'll leave you too  
  
KATHY: Is that true, Buffy?  
  
Buffy is looking at the ground  
  
BUFFY: (quietly) Yeah  
  
Buffybot gets up out of her chair, walks over to Buffy's and kneels next to her. She akwardly pats her back  
  
BUFFYBOT: Angel is bloody stupid and Riley is too carboardy Spike will never leave you... he told me! He loves you!  
  
BUFFY: He never said that to me... (gives the robot a small smile) But, thanks.. I think  
  
HARMONY: Hey.. he stayed with Looney Tunes over there for about a hundred years. That's gotta prove something  
  
BUFFY: (started to get convinced) True...  
  
HARMONY: C'mon give him a chance.. he'll make you happy  
  
BUFFYBOT: (big smile) And he looks really good naked!  
  
Drusilla and Harmony nod in agreement. They all look at Buffy expectingly.  
  
BUFFY: (trying not to grin) Yeah.. he does... (smiles)  
  
BUFFYBOT: I told you......  
  
KATHY: Ok girls... we gotta go to comercial.. but we'll be right back after that  
  
*****  
  
Back to Buffy's living room  
  
XANDER: That was slightly disturbing  
  
Spike is just grinning to himself.  
  
XANDER: Stop with the grinning!  
  
DAWN: Yeah.. Its creepy... Chesire cat much?  
  
Spike can't help but smile even more  
  
SPIKE: She likes me!  
  
DAWN: Well Duh.. you tend to feel that way about someone you sleep with  
  
ANYA: Not always... sometmes people are just looking for comfort  
  
DAWN: Oh... well whatever... it was still obvious  
  
SPIKE: It was?  
  
DAWN: Completly. Then again... I catch onto these things... I'm the one who told Buffy you were totally into her...  
  
SPIKE: So...That's how she knew...  
  
*****  
  
KATHY: Ok we're back! I have two more subjects for you girls then... we're going to have a surprise guest!  
  
DRUSILLA: Can I eat him?  
  
HARMONY: Can I share?  
  
KATHY: No.. of course not!  
  
HARMONY: Ruin our fun...  
  
BUFFYBOT: Killing people is bad! I would have to stake you if you did!  
  
BUFFY: Tell 'em Skirt Girl  
  
BUFFYBOT: Tell them what?  
  
BUFFY: (rolls her eyes) Nevermind  
  
KATHY: Ok.. next subject is... the sex...  
  
BUFFYBOT: I can make skecthes!  
  
KATHY: That won't be neccessary Buffybot But you can tell me what its like  
  
BUFFYBOT: (looks of dreamily) Amazing...  
  
HARMONY: Well his thing is like this big (puts hands about ten inches apart)  
  
KATHY: That's a good 10"!  
  
BUFFYBOT: Oh.. it is ... I measured!  
  
KATHY: Drusilla?  
  
Drusilla is off in her own world... she merely nods  
  
KATHY: Umm ok?... Buffy?  
  
BUFFY: Yeah.. (blushing) That's about right...  
  
KATHY: Wow... can I meet this guy?  
  
BUFFYBOT: Sure!... Oh but you can't have sex with him... only Buffy can (she smiles at Buffy)  
  
Buffy blushes a little more  
  
KATHY: (laughs) Right... Well.. we don't have much time left so lets move onto your favorite thing he does.. or a certian thing that makes him extra apealing  
  
HARMONY: He does this thing with his tongue... he usually does it when he's being sugestive.. You guys know what I'm talking about.. right?  
  
Drusilla is completly gone... and is just humming to herself  
  
BUFFYBOT: I don't believe I have ever seen that  
  
BUFFY: I know what you're talking about.. Its kinda sexy..  
  
HARMONY: Kinda?  
  
Buffy giggles.  
  
BUFFYBOT: (sits up straighter) I like it when he purrs!  
  
BUFFY: Spike purrs?  
  
BUFFYBOT: (giggles) Its soo adorable He told me he does it when he's completly relaxed and happy  
  
BUFFY: (kind of insulted) How come he never purred with me?  
  
BUFFYBOT: I do not know  
  
KATHY: What about you Buffy? What do you like about him?  
  
BUFFY: (thinking hard) I'm supposed to pick just one?  
  
Kathy laughs wholeheartenly  
  
BUFFY: O.K... I like it when he tousles his hair all over the place, especially when it kinda falls onto his forhead.... (suddenly shy) Its cute  
  
KATHY: Ok its time for our guest...  
  
All of the girls watch as Spike walks in!  
  
KATHY: Spike himself!  
  
Both Buffy and the Buffybot squeal... Buffybot in delight.. Buffy in shock... Buffy is blushing furiosly  
  
KATHY: Did you catch our show? Gotta get the ratings up you know...  
  
SPIKE: (smiles knowlingly) Oh yeah...  
  
Buffy squeks in embarresment. Spike saunters over to her, picks her up... which makes her shout in suprise...,and sits on the chair with her on his lap.  
  
SPIKE: Sexy, huh? (does the tongue thing)  
  
Buffy's eyes widen a little, startled by the sudden change of events... and slightly aroused by him just being there. She is still extremly embarresed though... so she ducks her head and hides her face in his chest.  
  
SPIKE: (laughs with pure happines) Guess this means you're gonna be nice to me agian, huh?  
  
BUFFY: (lifts her head, getting bolder) Oh I'll be more than nice...  
  
Its Spike's turn to be startled... Buffy smiles at him, teasingly.  
  
SPIKE: (smiles back) Oh yeah?  
  
BUFFY: Yeah... (grins wickedly) I'm gonna make you purr...  
  
Spike growls deep in his throat, picks her up, her legs around his waist, carries her over to the door... kissing her all of the way. He opens the door and stumbles through it. They are kissing wildly as they slam into the nearest wall. A throat clears... they stop, look over to see that they're in Buffy's house and everybody is watching them!  
  
DAWN: (trying not to laugh) Well.. that was... interesting  
  
  
  
  
  
*******  
  
CHALLENGE SUMMARY: Spike's Women. "I challenge someone to write a short fic (or long) where all of  
  
Spike's women are grouped together in one room discussing him. It  
  
can take place in the future or in a dream, etc. but here are the  
  
conditions: 1) Spike's women include: Drusilla, Buffy, Harmony and the Buffybot.  
  
A bonus for anyone who can fit in his mother and/or Cecily.  
  
2) You must include the line, "He never said that to me."  
  
3) Spike cannot be present, or at least not until the end.  
  
4) Something must be described as being ten inches." 


End file.
